There are a scary amount of people searching for the term ‘I want to die’ on Google. Trust me, I just researched it, and I felt compelled to write an article about it as a result.
Suicide is a real epidemic, claiming countless lives around the world every year and shattering countless others. I’ve known a few people who have decided to end their lives far too soon, and it’s a real shame to think that some of them could have made it if they’d just had the right conversation, read the right book or had the right tool set to manage the thoughts that drove them to insanity and ultimately death.
You see, suicide is the end point of insanity. No sane person could actually take their own lives. It’s not possible for a rational, happy person to end things. Therefore, I truly believe that the solution to suicidal thoughts lies in the mind, where the root of the problem exists.
In this article, I’m going to share my advice for managing dark thoughts and suicidal tendencies. I will openly admit that in the past I’ve felt them numerous times, and I truly believe everyone does at some point of their lives. Yet they can be overcome, and you can continue to live and go on to lead a happy, productive, fantastic life.
‘I want to die’ might be your current train of thought, but it doesn’t have to be your final one!
I Just Want to Die – Why This is a False Belief
The first thing to realize is that you don’t want to die, you just want the suffering to end.
Death is nothingness, the final 10 count. There’s no getting back up from it and there’s no 30-day money back guarantee. When you end your life, you do so forever, and you will never again exist in the entire unfolding of this epic universe.
Nobody wants to die. Go to a cancer ward and ask the patients there if you don’t believe me. Some of them might say they want to if they’ve been suffering for long enough and can’t take the pain any longer, but give any of them the option to be healed and return to life, and I guarantee they’ll take it.
You don’t want to die. The first step to stopping this train of thought is to realize that. Say it out loud and write it down if you have to. Í don’t want to die’. Repeat it every day and every night. Í don’t want to die, I want to get better’. Keep saying it and never stop. You’ll be surprised how quickly this mantra changes things. The power of suggestion is amazing, and the shift in mindset this affirmation can cause is tremendous.
I believe strongly that when you say Í don’t want to die’ and you realize that you actually mean it, suicide goes off the table automatically. Valuing your life and desiring to live will always overcome any temporary urge to die.
I Want My Life to End- No, You Don’t!
You don’t want to end it all. You want to end your suffering. You don’t want to end staggering sunsets and delicious food and your lovers smile and the feeling that comes with holding your children in your arms. You don’t want to end it all, you just want to end the shitty parts.
Sadly, suicide doesn’t select. When you pull the trigger, jump off the ledge, begin writhing around with a rope around your neck, you lose all the good stuff as well as the bad. You’ll never know what your children could become, you’ll never see another orange and purple sky as the sun goes down over the horizon, and there will never be another you. I repeat that because it’s worth emphasizing: there will never be another you.
Think about it, friend. It took 4-billion years for life to cause you to come into existence. You are life observing life. You’re a bunch of particles with the ability to enjoy looking at, touching, feeling and contemplating a bunch of other particles with their own unique colours, tastes, smells and sounds. That’s pretty damn amazing when you think about it! Would you really want to end all of it?
Tell yourself the truth – you don’t want to end it all – you just want to end some of it.
Knowing this, you can begin to realize that you have plenty of reason to continue existing. Again, when you know this, suicide comes off the table and isn’t an option.
I Want to Die & Life Sucks
Again, sorry, but that’s just factually incorrect.
Life doesn’t suck. Life is neither good nor bad, or is both good and bad, depending on how you choose to see it.
When I studied Buddhism, a monk told me the key to equanimity, meaning a calm and happy mind, is TRUE VIEW. True view means seeing the good and bad in life for what they are, and never allowing yourself to fall into overly positive or overly negative states of mind, because the minute you do, you are operating out of incorrect or false belief.
Likewise, I’m not here to tell you life is some walk in the park or something to be hyped about. Sometimes it sucks, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean it sucks, period. It can suck for a little while, especially when we lose perspective and become focused on the parts that suck to the exclusion of everything else.
The truth is, life is both good and bad. The key to a neutral, tranquil mind, which is what you really want to achieve by killing yourself, is to realize this and incorporate it into your world-view.
Do me a favour, will you? Before you go and end your precious life – try seeing the world this way for 30 days. You can even write or tattoo a little symbol on your hand to remind yourself to keep perspective, like a +/- to remind yourself life has positives and negatives.
The suicidal thoughts you have are the result of an overly negative, an I have to say ultimately incorrect, view of life. Wouldn’t it be a shame to die early knowing that what drove you to commit suicide wasn’t even the truth?
Start to see life as neutral. There’s no reason to be overly cheery like some over-caffeinated motivational speaker, but there’s also absolutely no reason to blow your own brains out, either. Equanimity beats happiness by a mile, and you can have it in the click of a fingers, as soon as you accept this fundamental fact about life and your view returns to balance.
I am Worthless – What’s the Point?
You’re not worthless. This is yet another false, damaging belief driving you to feel sucky.
Every human being walking this earth has worth. I guarantee there’s someone out there who loves you, finds you attractive, considers you a friend, or whose life you positively impact in some way. That means you have worth, and the idea of you dying will devastate that person in a way they might never recover from.
Realizing your worth is one of the keys to surviving suicidal tendencies. Isn’t it funny how all of these thoughts that make people want to die are factually false in the first place? Just by breathing, smiling and saying hi to one person every day you have worth. You have the power to brighten up somebody’s entire day just by doing that – and yet you can do so much more than that every day.
You are a human being – the only living being capable of understanding that it and other things around it are alive – and that alone gives you incredible value. Don’t squander it by ending your journey through this life early. Soak it all in, the good and the bad, and enjoy this amazing gift called life. You are worthy, and you deserve to live.
More than that, the rest of us here deserve to have you here with us. Whatever you might think today, people value you and would miss you if you left.
A great thing someone once told me was you never get rid of the pain by killing yourself, you just multiply it by 10 and put it on the shoulders of the people who love you.
That hit me like a brick in the face and I’ve never forgotten it. Never forget that you’re worthy of living and even if you can’t go on for yourself, you can do it for those who love you.
Suicidal Thoughts & Perspective
By far the biggest factor in suicidal folks is a loss of perspective. Your problems have become so big and all-consuming that you can’t see the forest for the trees anymore, and you’re drowning in the teaspoon of water that equal your own life issues.
Restoring perspective is crucial if you want to make it. Think how big the world is, think how immeasurably long the universe has existed for, think how little your problems matter in the grand scheme of things.
Ironically, some people use this very line of thinking to justify suicide. It leads some to believe they don’t matter at all or that their suicide won’t be a big deal in the grand scheme. Yet, often they can’t see that logically it also means their problems are not a big enough deal to justify such a rash course of action as ending their lives.
Restoring perspective is a matter of learning to see things in their proper place. I use the jetpack visualization, where I pretend to be in a jetpack and fly way up high, into the sky, to view my problems from above. Nothing ever seems so bad from up there, and I manage to view things in their proper place and not feel so overwhelmed by whatever I’m facing.
Don’t drown in the teaspoon of water! Life is so much bigger than that.
How to Stay Alive
The ultimate decision to stay alive lies with you. You’re feeling down and have been for a long time, otherwise, you never would have found this article. I’m asking you to give it time. Don’t do whatever it is you’re thinking of, and take time to reflect on the points above. All of the beliefs that are driving you towards death are false, and can be disproved and overcome, replaced by more positive, accurate ones.
That’s not my attempt to invalidate your perspective or make your pain out to be less than what it is. All I’m trying to show you is that life isn’t all bad, you don’t truly want to die, and that there is a light at the end of this tunnel worth moving toward.
Trust me, I know because I have been there. I’m living today and I’ve never been happier. You can overcome this darkness and you can look back some day and say ‘Boy I’m glad I didn’t do that back then!’
If you have further questions about managing suicidal tendencies and overcoming black, dark moods, drop me a comment and I’ll get back to you. This blog is all about making lives better, and if it didn’t address the topic of suicide, it would just be surface level BS. This is a place you can talk about anything, pain and suffering included.
Until next time, stay alive!
PS: If you absolutely are on the brink of suicide, and don’t think you can live any longer, please consider calling the suicide helpline. Do it NOW!