Everyone has been there.
You’ve been seeing her for a while, the red-hot, exciting part is over, you’ve settled into a boring, routine existence and you are having doubts about whether or not you should break it off.
Every single relationship you ever form will reach this stage at some point. It’s the natural result of the neurochemicals that caused you to fall in lust to begin with settling down and levelling out, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling this way.
But how do you make the decision? How do you actually know when to cut somebody loose and say goodbye? It’s never easy, that’s one thing I know for sure. Sometimes, however, it just has to be done.
Here’s a guide to help you decide.
The Truth Is You Already Know
Deep down inside of yourself you already know whether or not it is time to end a relationship. The reason you went online and searched for an article is so that you would have some sort of justification, permission or clarity about the decision you’ve already made.
Advice is what you ask for when you know the truth but you don’t want to face it.
You either love her or you don’t. It’s really that simple.
You either see her with you in old age when the two of you have been through the trials of this life together or you don’t.
You either want her to be the mother of your children or you don’t.
You’re either willing to grind through the inevitable boring patches you will hit and endure the pressure life is going to put on your relationship or you aren’t.
There’s really no need to read a long list of bullshit in some list post helping you to decide whether she is the right girl for you. This is not The Huffington Post or Buzzfeed.
I’m going to tell you the answer for free in one single sentence: If you don’t know for sure, get out while you can.
You see, relationships are like sailing a boat across an ocean. There will be times of calm when you can come up on deck and relax in the sun, there will be times where staggering, mind-blowing sunsets make you feel like the happiest, most content man in the world, there will be tropical storms that rock the boat and test your ability as a sailor to hold on and navigate through the storm, and there will be times when you get shipwrecked on a desert island together and have to simply survive.
You Could Be Suffering From “Millennial Syndrome”
I’m not some old dude sitting here nostalgic about the good old fifties or life before world war two killed off all the best men. I’m a thirty year old born in the millennial generation, surrounded by more options than people from previous generations dreamed possible.
The problem with our generation is simple: we are weak as cat piss. We have been raised on ridiculous entitled nonsense to believe things like:
“Follow your passion and the money will follow”.
“Don’t worry about fixing it, just toss it and get a new one”.
“If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it”.
All of this makes for a generation of selfish, entitled, weak losers who bail at the first sign of trouble.
We are also fortunate in the sense that we have a ridiculous number of options, but this can lead to the paradox of choice, where we have so many options we are paralyzed by confusion and unable to make a decision.
That’s the problem with our generation – we’re so busy looking around that we don’t know what to do, how to decide, and how to stick with something through the hard times. Very few people know how to pick one course and stick with it until the bitter end. The old adage of F.O.C.U.S. – follow one course until successful, is lost on a large part of our generation.
I Am Not Saying You Should Stay
What I’m not doing is telling you to stay in a crappy, soul sucking relationship which is ruining your life and destroying your soul.
What I am saying is that if excitement, pleasure and the desire for novelty are your reasons for leaving you are probably making a mistake you will regret. Every single relationship I have ever been in hits the boredom period, when people begin to take each other for granted, get lazy and forget to spice things up and make the efforts that made them attracted to each other to begin with.
This will happen again and again. Unless you are willing to work through it, you’ll be changing partners all of your life every two-three years.
If that’s what you want, then that’s all good and I say go for it. However, if you actually want to build something with someone like a family with a home and an actual life that means something you need to suck it up and learn that boredom, troubles, fights, annoyances, lulls and temptation are all part of every normal course in life and you will never meet anyone who will provide you with smooth sailing bliss all the way through life.
If you are utterly miserable, know she is wrong for you, and don’t see a future together then do both of you a favour and end the relationship. Life is far too short and time is not to be wasted.
If you’re just bored and looking for some excitement, you might want to give this a lot more thought if she is a great girl.
Reasons To Cut Your Girlfriend Loose
Despite the fact that I can’t tell you what to do and you already know what to do deep down inside, I feel like I should at least give a criteria on when it is time to split.
I’ve been in a few long-term relationships in my life. As a result I can tell you for a fact that there are certain situations and behavioural patterns that mean the end, no matter how hard you want it to work.
This is the ultimate offence and should lead to the immediate and absolute termination of your relationship.
There is no excuse for a cheating woman, she is lower than rat shit. Why would you want to be in a relationship with anything less than a loyal, dedicated partner? There are plenty of them out there and that’s exactly the kind of woman you need to build a life with.
Staying with a cheat is like building your house on a foundation of quicksand. She will do it again. No matter how much she begs, pleads, threatens or promises and cries, when she cheats she is gone. No exceptions.
I’m a traditional guy. I believe a man should rule his own home and a woman is not in any way, shape or form fit to lead a household or a family. I do not apologize for nor wish to explain that sentiment, other than to say it’s just against the natural order of life.
If your girlfriend or wife does not support you, undermines your decisions, works against you, plays your children off you or uses them as a weapon, withdraws affection and becomes snarly/angry when you make a decision that’s best for your life or family, then you need to ditch her.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t hear her out. Before you decide you should let her speak her mind and give full consideration to her concerns. She’s a person too and deserves to be heard – but when it comes to decision time and she won’t give you your respect as a man, just give her the walking papers.
If you fail to do this you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of problems. If you aren’t a good leader she’ll never respect you anyway, and if you are you won’t tolerate this kind of person on your team or in your family.
If you got married in the West I feel truly sorry for you. All the power of the government and society is working against you and will constrain, restrain and take away your ability to act as a man and lead your own family.
You may have a very hard road ahead of you if that is the case, but don’t let it be an excuse to stay stuck with a mean, disrespectful woman. Sometimes it’s worth it to pay the price to get out.
She Belittles/Demeans You
If she does this it means she does not respect you. Ditch her. Nothing else needs to be said about this.
She will either realize you are a man of power and come crawling back (in which case you may or may not accept her back into your fold) and the relationship will operate off of a whole new power dynamic were you are in control, or she will not in which case you just saved yourself a lifetime of pain and mental abuse and you can go forward and find a woman who is worth it.
She Doesn’t Take Care Of Your Needs
If I signed a contract with a mobile phone provider that guaranteed me 120 minutes of calls, 1000 free messages and unlimited web time, then after I signed the deal slowly began to change to less and less of each for an ever-increasing price, I would cancel the contract in a second.
Any relationship is the same. You have a right to have your needs met and she has absolutely no excuse other than selfishness for not fulfilling them.
If you won’t stand up for yourself she will walk all over you. Be a man and stand up and take back control of your own life. She knows what she signed up for – it’s up to you to enforce the terms.
She Doesn’t Take Care Of Herself
When you met her she was fun, fit, beautiful, took care of her appearance and took pride in herself.
Now she doesn’t go out, watches soap operas day and night in her jogging pants, washes her hair once every four days and has porked up on hotdogs, pizza and potato chips.
Bye Bye. Next. Adios. No apologies.
You didn’t sign up to spend a lifetime with Miss Piggy. You met a beautiful, fun-loving and proud woman. That’s what you wanted and that’s what you deserve.
This works both ways, by the way. If you were a chiseled statue of a man who kicked ass and took what he wanted in life and you turn into a weak, pot-bellied effeminate little bitch, she also has the right to leave you.
You signed up for one thing and got another. That’s a good reason for returning the goods in any situation.
So What Am I Saying?
If your girl is a great lady, still takes care of herself, respects you as a man and wants to build a future with you but you are bored and need some fun, hit pause. You’ll probably get through this and realize in six months leaving would have been a gigantic mistake. If you still feel this way in six months, it may be time to bail and start fresh.
If your girl is not like this and displays any number of the above mentioned behaviours then you have the right to leave her and you should. If she is genuinely sick, depressed or something else and you have made the commitment to her to see it through the hard times, you need to man up and stand by her and help her get through.
If she’s just being lazy, mean and pathetic you have every right to bail. There’s no point drowning with a sinking sip, after all.
There’s no real way to make this decision based on logical factors alone. There’s a lot of emotion at play and the decision will almost always be messy and end badly at least for one of you.
You already know what to do. You’re either in for the long haul or you are out.
It’s time to man up and make the decision.
Desire. Decide. Persist.