What Do You Fear? Here’s How To Overcome It!

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” – FDR

 

What are you afraid of?

 

It’s OK. Every single man on this planet has fear and there is nothing wrong with it. Having a certain amount of fear in your life is natural and to lack certain fears would mean you are unable to survive on this planet.

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Fear seems to be a tough topic for men to talk about because we somehow believe it makes us weak or inferior to admit our fears. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fear is actually normal and exists in everybody on this earth. As the old saying goes “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to move through it”.

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On your journey to becoming the kind of man you want to be you will face certain fears. Believe it or not these are probably the biggest limits you will ever face. In order to reach your true potential you have to be able to move through those fears or you will stay boxed within your current limits forever.

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So grab your nuts, swallow hard and lets dive in. Take a look at these fears and be honest with yourself – which are you and which do you need to work on?

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Common fears men face and how to overcome them.

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Fear of failure

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By far the most damaging and limiting type of fear, this will keep you trapped within the comfortable boundaries of your mediocre life like no other.

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Fear of failure is really linked to the fear of ostracization, or rejection by your tribe. It is a deeply ingrained evolutionary fear since being ostracized in times gone by meant almost certain death.

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We don’t want people to laugh at us, mock us, talk behind our backs and possibly shun us, so we stay within nice, comfortable, acceptable little limits, never risking at the big tables because we don’t want to have to hear the inevitable line of “I told you so” people running their mouths. In short, we don’t want to lose our status in the group. If we’re comfortable, we don’t want to look bad in front of others and watch them gloat.

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How you can overcome this fear is by using your rational mind to realize that this fear is largely outmoded and defunct. It is a relic of our evolutionary history and in the world we live in now there is really no need to feel this type of fear. Rarely, if ever, does failure lead to life and death disaster in the world we live in now.

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I’ve taken a few risks in my life and fallen flat. What I was surprised to find is that my wolf pack, the people who really matter in this life, were there for me to help me back on my feet. I’m talking about my family, my best buddies, those who have been there for me all my life. Nobody else matters but these people, and failing can actually reveal to you who they are for the first time.

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As a matter of fact, a few of them told me that they admired my tenacity and attempts to live a different way of life, and that I should get back on the horse as soon as possible and go again. It was the opposite of what I had feared would happen.

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The best way to overcome this fear is simply to fail a few times and realize it isn’t all that bad. If you really can’t get rid of it, however, it can be a powerful motivator and can keep you working around the clock on that new project, new business, or whatever you have declared publicly you are going to do.

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Don’t fear failure, embrace it as an inevitable part of learning. Next time you’ll be wiser, smarter, stronger and ready to take on the next challenge better. As long as you don’t give up.

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Fear of change

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Change is embraced by some and pushed away in terror by others. A certain amount of fear of change is natural, but if you are aware of it and can learn to deal with this fear it can actually become extremely enjoyable.

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Every time I left home when I was younger to go travel I felt insane fear for about a week before hand. What would happen? What if I ran out of cash? What if something bad happened and I was out in the tropics alone? All of these things ran through my head and I almost gave in and lost my nerve a couple of times.

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But I didn’t. I learned to embrace and enjoy the adrenalin rushing through my body and the feeling of sheer aliveness such a big change gave me. It was a highly charged rush and it made me feel ten years younger overnight just to pull the plug on something I’d been wanting to change and just do it!

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Right now in my life I am undergoing massive changes – fatherhood, moving countries again and trying to juggle a high paying career with my entrepreneurial ambitions and make room for both. Some would crack under all of this at once, but I’ve learned to embrace and enjoy it.

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Change is the juice of life. It brings new opportunities, new friends, new experiences, new knowledge and self growth. It is inevitable, so you might as well learn to embrace it and moe toward it instead of recoiling from it.

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Certain changes will always suck like the end of a great relationship or the death of someone you care about. In those cases, you just have to accept it and move on. Let yourself go through whatever emotional process you need and let go at your own pace. It will pass, I guarantee that. The good thing about change is that even the shitty times can’t last forever.

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Otherwise, view change through a positive lens. It’s not just the end of whatever situation you are in, it’s the beginning of the kind of life you are looking to build. Just try to direct it the way you want it to go!

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Fear of rejection

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Fear of being rejected by women is one of the easiest fears to overcome. Full on books have been written about approach anxiety, learning to read her body language and all manner of game, all of which aim to diminish the probability of rejection and hopefully get you a girl.

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The trick is to stop giving a crap! Girls are emotionally unpredictable and unstable in general and no amount of rejection by them reflects on you as a man at all. For all you know she is just having a bad day and isn’t interested. If you’d approached her at a different time maybe it would have been game on.

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Who cares? There are four billion women out there in the world! The hot blonde you see at the gym is not special, she is a clone of about a thousand other girls just like her. Quit obsessing over her and bring her down off that pedestal. Go talk to her, and if she is an ice queen who is too cruel to have a friendly conversation, you just screened out a whole lot of trouble anyhow!

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Not caring about the opinions or validation of women and the outcome of your interactions with them will make you relaxed, cool and in control in their presence. Ironically these are the very things they find attractive in the first place and will increase your chances of getting together with them.

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Remember this: Women are the sauce, not the steak. They add delicious flavour to life but they are not life itself. You won’t die by being rejected by a couple of girls and you will live to approach a couple more. It’s just a numbers game.

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See it as such and you’ll get over your fear of rejection.

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Fear of losing money

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I’d say this is without any doubt the greatest limiting factor when trying to actually make money. It’s ironic, but it’s true.

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If you believe money is in scarce supply and hard to come by you will likely cling to every cent you have and never let go. This is a mental disease which a lot of people suffer from, especially if you grew up poor or if money has been hard to come by.

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The trick is to realize there is plenty of the stuff out there! Literally trillions upon trillions of dollars are in circulation and you really don’t need that much to survive. In order to win big you have to play at the big tables, and that requires a certain element of risk.

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Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t be foolish and wasteful with money, but you shouldn’t be afraid to put your chips up on the table and take your shot when opportunity is in the air.

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Here’s a quote by Richard Branson. Read it and think about what is says about him as a person:

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Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one around the corner”.

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What does that say about the worlds best known entrepreneur? It says he has an abundance mentality and is not afraid of losing big because he knows there’s a heap out there coming around the next corner. If he misses this one, he’ll just catch the next one instead.

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You’ve got to begin to see life this way. Don’t be afraid to lose some money here and there if you see a great trade open up in the financial markets or if you spot a great business opportunity. I’ve lost a few times when I spread bet incorrectly, but that’s alright because I win more than I lose.

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Remember, nobody who ever played it safe all their lives became anything. Lose the fear based clinging to money. It comes and goes, just like everything else. Get over it.

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Fear of death

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This is another of the natural, evolutionary fears and is totally normal, but it can be deeply limiting and can hold you back from living a great, fulfilling life and reaching your potential if you let it get out of control.

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Your body will do absolutely everything and anything to stay alive because that is what it is meant to do. Every single instinct you have is geared towards surviving first and then copying yourself (preferably with a beautiful woman) second. So when danger comes into the picture your body naturally feels that rush of adrenalin, increase in heart rate, and the fight or flight instinct.

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The trick is to train yourself to fight, not flee. I regularly fly in a chopper over shark infested waters to drilling platforms. To start it made me a little nervous, but I have trained myself over time that I now believe if an accident happened I would kick into beast mode and fight to the last breath! There’s no other solution for it. I may die, but I won’t let the last emotion I feel be any form of fear – I’m too stubborn!

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Death in dangerous circumstances is not the only way to go, however. A lot of people are afraid to even eat properly because they worry about what they might be putting into their bodies and all sorts of other neurotic worries like diseases and sickness and all of that.

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I’ve got news for you fella: You Are A Dead Man Walking. Write that down, repeat it until you have accepted it, and even learn to embrace the fact. Some day this life will all be over and not a single one of us knows what lies beyond, if anything at all.

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Death will visit us all from a mighty king to a humble street sweeper, and there’s not a damned thing we can do about it. As the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said “Death smiles at every man, all he can do is smile back”.

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If you’re one of those men who suffers from a great fear of death, try reading some books about Near Death Experiences by survivors. Almost every single one of them says it is an extremely peaceful, even pleasurable experience. I’ve read a few and I can tell you they helped me get over this fear like no other. They even made me open my mind to the real possibility of life after death.

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As another great man, Plato, once said Death is either a dreamless sleep or transition to a better world – either way it is nothing to fear”.

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I like that. Have a healthy respect for survival, but don’t let the fear of dying stop you from living your life. You might be toast tomorrow anyway. Just live life on your own terms and you won’t have any regrets when your time is up.

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Approach life with bravery, men! Do not let fear rule you or it will slowly come to own your very soul. It will box you in and keep you in the dark and you will miss out on all the juice of life. All the business opportunities, all the travel, all the girls you could have been with, all the stuff you should have done.

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Don’t be that guy. Feel the fear and march through it.

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As always,

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Desire. Decide. Persist.

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G-Freedom

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